The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
