he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
