SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize