I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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