I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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