you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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