I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
