his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
