WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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