Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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