I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I miss vodka workout Fridays
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
