I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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