Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
