He kissed a someone with a penis
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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