She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
