i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
