wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
