you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize