Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
