Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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