Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
