how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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