I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
