I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
