There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
