Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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