i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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