My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
