We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
