I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
