shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize