Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
