Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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