Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
