ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
im calling her cock vulture from now on
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
