the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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