and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I should be sponsored by Trojan
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
