Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
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