so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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