It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
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