Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize