Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
