I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
