She announced her abortion via fbk
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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