remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
