you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
