I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
