After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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