Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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