porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
