Just cropdusted the office
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
