he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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