By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
