I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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