2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
