I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
