I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
