worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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