tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
