I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
