A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
