I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
