Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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