We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
