If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
