White coat. Heels.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
