Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
