Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
