Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
