i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
