Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
