you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize