they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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