I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
