His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
