Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
