well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
