she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize