you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
