therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
