I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
