At least make sure they are 18
Why
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
